I've not been writing as much as I expected. I don't want to make this about my ex and her partner or my views on their ethics or lack thereof and their disgusting choices have occupied my thoughts far to much since this began. I've not yet had to deal with them directly, not looking forward to that as I don't want a scene in front of my son but also can't stomach the thought of exchanging polite courtesies with either of them at this point.
I've made arrangements to work some extra hours to try and get to a viable position financially, still not back to where I was with my son living with me and paying the costs myself but at least with some financial space to live.
It's frustrating that my choice to work extra hours will result in an increased CSA liability and at some point I'll have to contact CSA to tell them, a process I'm not looking forward to as the whole process is so corrupt that the thought of cooperating with them is distressing. As far as I can tell I'll loose about half of any extra money I earn in extra tax and CSA payments and would rather maintain a better work/life balance but CSA's overly inflated assessments make that not viable.
Having this around makes stuff involving my son much more difficult, I really don't want to have to deal with my ex or her partner after recent choices but would like to be able to maintain an active role in his life. Given my son is living with them the ultimate choices about schooling and some other issues does and should rest with them but I'd not even been given the courtesy of being consulted about a choice of school or any other decisions which have been made since the change in residency.
The nature of the CSA approach in just taking large amounts of money and give it to my ex with no accountability on how it's used leaves me with no actual say in decisions about what money is spent on my son (or if it is spent on him at all rather than going to supplement his mums wants).
The process leaves me feeling completely isolated from any active role other than as a money source for an unethical and self serving woman.
I'm very disappointed in my ex's husband. While my son was living with me he was apparently all for keeping communication and cooperation happening and things on a civil note. Once my son moved an my ex had power to do it all her way his interest in all of that seems to have disappeared. Now it's dismissive of my concerns and a disinterest in resolving anything. I had thought he was a better man than that. I don't think that he is actually stupid enough to believe the CSA figures nor so stupid that he can't see the problem with my ex not contributing at all while my son was her then using CSA to rip me off but those appear to be what he's supporting. I don't know his reasons, perhaps he's just buying himself peace but he's not chosen to communicate his reasons for choices with me.
People wonder about why so many men are so bitter about family law outcomes and CSA but the system is so flawed and so structured to produce bad outcomes that it's an almost inevitable outcome.
